After 1.5 weeks of winding north along the Vietnam coast in search of beautiful beaches, we decided to head to Hoi An, known as the food capital of Vietnam & supposedly quite alluring. From Quy Ngon, the best option was again the bus. Our hotel helped book our bus tickets for us. The woman was very helpful & insisted upon us taking this 6:30 bus as it’s a 45-seater and “much better for us” vs later 16 seater buses. I was happy to get moving early so as not to waste the full day traveling. But we asked further questions to try to understand WHY it was better for us. That was fruitless so we just went with her recommendation. Boy do I now know why it was better for us.
The bus was no local bus, rather a bus suited for longer trips & one that fellow travelers typically take. But not from Quy Ngon bc there are no travelers but us so once again, we crashed the local transportation. I think I’ve mentioned the Vietnamese’ odd obsession w neon lights so it came as no surprise to find the bus decorated inside & out w day-glo lights. We couldn’t get anyone to tell us how long of a bus ride to expect but based on our book, I guessed around only 5 hours. So I was surprised to find that the bus, instead of having proper seats, was a sleeper bus w stacked reclined seats. There is no option to sit up. In fact, they also provide you w a blanket & pillow (in a puppy pillowcase), insist you take your shoes off & place in plastic bag upon entry, & turn the lights off, but for some blue & pink neon track lighting. You’d think they were really trying to promote sleeping. They even passed out little candies and we joked that maybe they were roofies. But then they insisted upon playing, at deafening levels, various clips from some sort of Vietnamese lip syncing/fashion show/live-action music video/variety show. I at first assumed it was all local Vietnamese music but then they broke into a rendition of “Besa Me Mucho” so while it was confusing, loud & brash, it was also impossible to ignore, considering one of the few tv screens was directly in front of my seat, so I was riveted. That, coupled with the erratic driving and incessant honking by the bus driver meant sleeping was impossible so I just uncomfortably laid there.
Despite the fact it was a sleeper bus, there still didn’t seem to be a bathroom on board which meant I again refused to drink anything as the timing & frequency of stops was very unclear. Well I should clarify, for the first hour, the bus stopped about every 5 minutes to pickup new passengers (even though our hotel assured us it was a direct bus w no stops) and each time, the 2 onboard barefoot employees (in addition to the driver) directed each new passenger to a seat. There went my 5-hour estimate.
Just less than 2.5 hours into the ride, we pulled over at a rest stop. As the only non-locals on the bus who clearly couldn’t understand the overhead announcement, we waited and observed as folks were getting off the bus but leaving their stuff. Bathroom stop. Yes. Grabbed our purses and hopped off. But not before they gave us black rubber sandals to wear as opposed to me wearing my own flip flops. Full service apparently. The bus crew had steaming bowls of pho waiting for them upon arrival and we went in search of the bathroom.
Apparently after our brief stopover, the AV entertainment switches from the Vietnamese variety show to a movie. The movie was an old Cuba Gooding Jr & Dolph Lundgren film, “One in the Chamber”. Must’ve missed that one. The best part was the fact the English dialogue & any sound effects/thematic music was muted so all you could hear was the dubbed over Vietnamese voice – the same female Vietnamese voice for every character including Cuba & Dolph. This bus ride was a gift that just kept giving.
2 more hours and another bathroom stop at a gas station at the side of the road. I’ve become quite adept at squatting over a hole, while juggling my purse, and then flushing with a bucket of water. A seasoned SE Asia traveler perhaps? Who needs a bathroom on a bus? Amateurs.
At 12:15, we were abruptly told the stop was “Hoi An” & to hurry to the front of the bus. They proceeded to drop us at the side of a 2-lane highway in what was definitely not Hoi An. Thankfully, a van promptly pulled up & gestured for us to drop our bags in back and get in. We got them to nod when we said “Hoi An?” So that was a positive. We then took a 15 minute van ride to what was definitely Hoi An, where we were then pounced upon by 2 motorbike taxi drivers offering to take us to the hotel. Initially we resisted saying we’d prefer a taxi as it didn’t seem terribly safe riding w our large backpacks & other bags on the back of a motorbike. They somehow managed to communicate there were no taxis allowed in the old town & we actually didn’t see any at the bus station so we negotiated down to 50% of asking, & I’m sure still overpaid. It ended up being a semi-safe ride as they provided helmets & took our backpacks to ride between their legs. It was a short 10 minute ride through the darling Hoi An streets & across rivers to our hotel… All in one piece and after a lot of fun.
Not sure if these travel stories are boring you all. Please let me know if that’s the case. We find them terribly amusing as we adapt to travel like the locals. Some of our favorite days on the trip.

  
Video so you can get a feel for the atmosphere

https://youtu.be/QHivnq0tCaY